Friends

I always used to think I liked giving gifts because it's fun to make other people happy. But I just noticed how good it felt to give little holiday presents to my office-mates, and realized that I was getting a happy-buzz off of the surprise!intrigued!happy that each person gave off when I gave them their little package.

I wasn't giving the gifts just so that I could get buzzed, but it's an interesting thing. When I think about it, there's probably no social interaction with anyone that doesn't have some small shading of empathic resonance. How much of my behavior is unconsciously geared to affect those shadings? Do I smile at strangers for their benefit, or for mine, or for the general principle of increased-happiness-is-good? And even if it's selfish to be friendly... is that actually bad? (I vote no.)

On the flip side, I know that I compromise or give in sometimes in situations involving negativity, just to sidestep being surrounded by that cloud of uncomfortable emotion. I guess it would be like unconsciously/habitually turning up the thermostat if I felt chilly. Sometimes it's an acceptable adaptive choice, but it would probably be better for me to be aware of it so that I can consciously decide whether it's something I want to do or not. I guess in this analogy, grounding and centering and standing my ground would be equivalent to putting on a sweater, changing my own state instead of changing the environment.

Still, it's hard to be 100% aware of the empathic state of every situation (just like most of the time I don't think about the physical temperature of my environment). Even with increased mindfulness in extreme situations, I'm likely to continue unconsciously taking action to spin the everyday empathic environment around me to "comfortable".

I don't know that that's necessarily a bad thing. Just thinking it over and curious how other people think about it. :)